Who Are You?

When considering the principle of “You- Not Them” it’s easy to get overwhelmed since most of our plates are already very full. Most of us are already juggling the roles of parent, spouse, provider, sibling, friend, and teacher. The list goes on and on. Now we're supposed to add passionate student? How and where do we fit that in?

Might I suggest that we stop and ask not how to apply the principle “You – Not Them”, but who are “You”?

“You – Not Them” implies that you know who “You” are. Do you? If you’ve read the basics of the 7 Keys of Great Teaching you know that when discussing the principle of “You – Not them” Oliver DeMille says things like, “Focus on your education, and invite them along for the ride” and “A parent or teacher does not have to be an expert to inspire great education, but he does have to be setting the example”.

If you read further in Dr. DeMille’s new book, Leadership Education you will read what this education you’re supposed to be getting actually is.

“The very essence of education is to learn of one’s mission and pursue it. Buddha reportedly said: ‘Your purpose in life is to find your purpose in life, and then to give your whole heart and soul to it’.
Mission is the reason we need education, the goal for which we learn, and the place where we apply what we have learned. A vision, a direction, a mission, a purpose – these are education. Everything else is a footnote.”

So to do “You – Not Them” you need to know who “You” are. What is your Vision, your Mission, your Purpose? Dr. DeMille continues by saying, “When we tap into the power of our unique mission and purpose, we will discover ‘wind beneath our wings’ that propels, sustains and directs us through our life.”

I submit that as we find a vision, discover our mission, truly come to understand who the “You” is in “You – Not Them” this principle will become easier and the how will become clear.

Tammy Smith

Purpose, Meaning, Mission

Each of us has a life mission. We are led on this mission usually not fully understanding what it is. And how are we led? I believe we are led by our interests and our good desires. Things that really bring us joy (not just fleeting happiness) are in line with our life mission. But how does this fit in with the "You Not Them" principle?

Concerning education; as YOU learn what YOU need to know for YOUR mission in life, your children will do the same. However, if you try to learn or teach them what THEY need to know for THEIR mission in life, THEY will resist. Pretty simple.

Remember that just because you enjoy mathematics does not necessarily mean your children will, but if you study it because you get joy from it, they will study what they get joy from, thus leading them on their life mission. It may be that Bobby doesn't need near as much math as Susan to fulfill his life mission.

If your children learn what true joy is and they love learning, (because they see that you love learning) they will see their own education gaps and they will set out to learn everything they need to know.

No, Really...It's about YOU

It really is about YOU. So I've learned something. 'You Not Them' simply means YOU. YOU start learning, YOU start loving learning, YOU start filling in the gaps of YOUR education...not with the hopes that your kids will follow, not with the desire to set a good example. You do it because you WANT to.

I started a men only book discussion group and I've been working hard reading and scanning books for us to read as a group...and I've hated every moment. Finally, yesterday I put away all the "men" books I was attempting to make mean something to this group and read "The Phantom of the Opera", not because I thought it would be a good reading for the group, but simply because I wanted to. I enjoyed myself immensely and learned much more than I had the last few weeks. I realized that it truly is about ME and it is about YOU, not them. Now instead of picking books I think will teach a good moral to the men in the group, I now will pick books that interest me and ask them to pick books that interest them. And because I will be focusing on ME not them, I believe that all of us will learn much more and get much more out of our discussions.

You, Not Them??? (Amy)

"In reality, you are unlikely to pass on to your children a better education than you have earned yourself, no matter how much you push them..." (A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille page 53). That hit me like a ton of bricks the first time I read it. And then it scared me. Many times I feel like I'm faking it. I've read a lot of books and got good grades in school, but I've always felt like my education has been lacking. My desire to homeschool came from wanting my children to get more than I did. Now I read this book that tells me "The most effective way to ensure the quality of their education is to consistently improve your own." (A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille page 53).

So here I am. Focusing on "You, Not Them". As a mother this is not natural. We don't have permission to focus on ourselves. That's lunacy. But as I look at my family I think I see a glimpse of how this works.

My husband is a pilot. He LOVES aviation. That's all he ever wanted to do. Now he's a pilot in the Air Force. Guess what my children love? Aviation, planes, flying, you name it. He's passionate about it and so are they. And that is natural. There is no feigned interest so that maybe they'll find an interest in it. This passion is real. That is what happens when your children see you so involved in something.

So wouldn't it stand to reason that if I'm passionate about learning, say about government, that my children would be too? Hey, you're right! I do love learning about government and so does my 12 year old son! He even aced his Citizenship in the Nation Merit Badge for Boy Scouts!

Interesting... Maybe there is something to this "You, Not Them" thing.